I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
