So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
