he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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