I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
