the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
