Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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