Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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