Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
