I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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