You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
