spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
