So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
