would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
