I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Randomize
