no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
