I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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