Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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