I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
