I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Boobs speak an international language.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize