There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
