I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
