Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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