I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
