I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you didnt know i had herpes?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
