I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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