ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
