this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
