Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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