i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize