walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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