I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
