is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
