Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance

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(703): View more from Virginia

I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.

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(315): View more from New York

You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?

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(614): View more from Ohio

she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men

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(623): View more from Arizona

Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.

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(234): View more from Ohio

Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.

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(818): View more from California

I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.

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