I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
