Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
