is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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