some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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