dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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