oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
