All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
