i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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