ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
