I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize