A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
