JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
