i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
