You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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