i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize