On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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