Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
