my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
