hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
