I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
