Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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