I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I need a beard to bite.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
