Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
