WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
