so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
