you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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