sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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