My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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