I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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